Because the Days are Getting Hard(er)

I wish I could post things to this blog, multiple times a day, every few hours or so with flowers and sunshine and rainbows and candy, but the truth of the matter is that some days (well most days, actually) are very hard. As mom likes to eloquently say it, "This sucks, this sucks, this sucks!" 

Perspective is a thing that can either become very colorful during this part of someone's journey, or so grey and bleak that you start to think that you really don't give a shit about anything else going on around you because you have developed this tunnel vision focusing on the pain and wondering when it will all be over. Maybe perspective is meant to be mixed with color and grey, just like you can't have any light without dark.

Observing this transition, physically, is something I cannot in simple words describe. For Joy, aka mom, this has been a great adjustment. She once led a *very* active lifestyle, always the first one up in the house making breakfast, going to work, coming home and exercising, traveling, shopping, etc. Even while she was on chemo she was pretty active and it kept her going. Most of my life has been spent trying to keep up with her, to match her stamina and energy in all that she does and all that she pushes me to do...

As I said before, the days are hard and are getting harder. I know she is not only feeling pain, but also feeling frustrated wanting the nightmare in her abdomen and back to go away, and how she misses eating more than a few bites of solid food. It's almost like a psychological deadlock and she wants to feel herself again. How do you move forward and onward feeling this way? Well, in previous posts I have stated how thankful we are for the support she is receiving from family, friends, and even strangers. We cannot get by without you. Your well-wishes, visits, flowers, cards, love, laughter, and soups have been invaluable and it yanks us from our tunnel vision. It's a reminder that light doesn't just appear at the end of the tunnel, it's everywhere. 

Even Winnie the Pooh has bad days, but after the right formula of support things can get better, or easier, or both.