We Are Doing A-Okay

Hello all, just wanted to say many thanks again for the kind words, cards, flowers, and tributes you all have given to us for Joy. We just wanted to check in and let everyone know we are doing okay! We miss mom terribly, but we know she is with us and smiling her beautiful smile. 

As an FYI, service information has been updated for Miami in the original post and we have gotten requests for charity information to give donations to in mom's name. She was a patron of many, but we will get a short list together...coming soon :)

Thank you all again for everything! You are wonderful!

Service Information for Joy

Family and Friends,

The family and Catholic Church will be hosting two services and receptions, per mom's wishes, so that all those near and far will have the opportunity to come and pay their respects to our beloved Joy.

Details for first service:
Date: Monday, April 27, 2015
Time: Mass 10:00am, Reception ~11:00am
Place: St. Vincent de Paul Catholic Church; the mass will be at the Chapel
Reception to follow with lunch, refreshments, and hugs.

Details for second service:
Date: Friday, May 15, 2015 (subject to change based on church availability, stay tuned)
Time: Mass 5:30pm, Reception ~7:00pm
Place: Good Shepherd Catholic Church
Reception to follow with food, refreshments, a Nightingale Nurses Tribute, and more hugs.

Condolences can be sent to Mom and Bob's home at:
16409 Along Creek Cove
Austin, TX 78717

You may also send flowers directly to St. Vincent de Paul to support Joy's first service. The church specified that delivery instructions should say:
April 27 Delivery between 8:00am - 9:00am

Will be finalizing the details for the second service in Miami later next week and will update the blog.

Yesterday, when mom passed, also happened to be Earth Day. In honor of that, leaving this little gem here for you to smile at...

Home

On April 22, 2015, mom passed away at 11pm surrounded by her sister Nenette, her husband Bob, and me, her daughter Katie. We watched her take her final breath as she made her way home and found the peace she very much deserved. We miss you already, mom, your smile, your wisdom, humor, positivity and genuine zest for life and all the good things it has to offer...we know you are in His hands.

Details on service arrangements to shortly follow. We thank everyone for their patience, love, and support that they have given to mom, Bob, and our family during this time. We know first-hand that mom appreciated everything you all have done for her.

Sharing a Smile

Mom has been resting soundly since yesterday afternoon when things calmed down, so I wanted to share this candid photo of her in Europe doing a combination of her favorite things: traveling, sitting al fresco, and ordering food! You are adorable, mom.

The Heart of Joy

It has become crystal-clear-smack-you-in-the-face-and-stomp-on-your-toes-so-that-you-remember-it apparant that mom's heart is one of the strongest I have ever seen, as she continues to go on these last five days without food and very little to drink (< 4 mL/day). Yesterday, she had some energy, which we alll mistook for restlessness, and all she wanted to do was use the restroom! It was almost an all-day ordeal to figure that out since mom can barely speak, and I'd rather spare you the details (for all our sakes)....but I just couldn't believe it. Two days ago, the nurse couldn't even get a blood pressure reading, signifying a very weak pulse and indication that her blood was focused more on her chest and lungs...and the next day, mom decides she wants to try and pull herself out of bed, for what reason, we didn't figure out until six hours later. She is certainly a proud woman and it leaves us (and the nurses) astounded. Today she pulled the same trick again, and we were prepared this time, but again we are seriously like, "How is she doing this?"

Today, I was able to sit next to mom along the edge of her bed, halfway through a transition. This is a position where I get to hold her and be close to her. As one of my hands were wrapped around her now very small side, I can feel her heart pulsing throughout her whole body. I think on it now, and it makes sense. If you've ever taken a walk with mom, recreationally or leisurely, she only has one speed: hers. She also always had a stamina for exercise and work where others would crash from exhaustion, and she would make it look so easy! 

I can tell you that some things with mom are painfully changing as her journey home continues, but it's her heart and what is left of her conscious mind that is keeping her here. Mom, you are free to come and go as you please, and I pray you find the peace of mind to do so. As I have told you every night for the past week and a half before I'm falling asleep beside you: I love you; Don't worry about Bob, I promise to ensure we take care of him the same way I have taken care of you; You did everything right by all of us; You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey, you never know dear how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away; wherever you go I will always be with you, and you always with me.

Quick Check In

Family and friends, will post a larger update tomorrow as today was, unexpectedly, a long day with mom. She is resting after all the "activity", but rest assured she is comfortable and fast asleep. She has a strong heart, and right now there is a force or reason why it hasn't stopped beating. We are not complaining :) Just a little worn out!

Waiting

Mom is still here. Still slowly moving around in bed from time to time, and doing her best to stay...I think she is waiting for her sister, Nenette, to arrive. Bob and I are still cherishing every hand squeeze and slight head nod because we know that mom is still herself through all this. I don't know how she does it.

Mom has not consumed anything, but her meds, for the last three days. My "Auntie" Nitz arrives at 7:30p tonight. I believe in my heart mom will still be here for that reunion.

World's Best Nurse

After getting the bed, we've spent the last few days getting a routine down where we can shift and move mom, as needed. I swear some moments she probably wants to curse us out because we are not doing things right or at times making her uncomfortable (takes at least two of us to position her correctly in bed). The usual end state is her being surrounded with soft pillows and rolled towels to support her neck, back, and feet...and of course, mom sound asleep.

There was an emotional breaking point I had personally set for myself which happened yesterday. When mom and Bob were told that chemo therapy could no longer be administered, the nurse practitioner said that over time, mom will become confused and then fall asleep and not wake up (lovely, right?). For a long time, mom and I kind of wondered about this "confusion". Is it just disorientation? Memory loss? Well, yesterday we got a rather large taste of it when mom woke up, lucid, saying she wanted to sit up (which she tried to do on her own) tried to look around, and asked in a soft but worried voice, "When are we going home?" Well, right there I pretty much lost it because she sounded scared and weak, and of course she certainly was home, in her beautiful bedrooom, but the anxiety kicked in and it was difficult to deal with. Granted, mom is on medication for the pain, and I do not doubt this is affectng her state of mind, but it still stings. Mom has been the kind of person who has always had her wits about her, always on point with everything she says. At one point last night while I was supporting her as she tried to stand and even walk, I told her she was safe and at home, and I asked her if she could give me a hug. We stood for a moment as she gently squeezed her tiny arms around me and rested her head on my shoulder. Best feeling. Ever. After we sat her down, I sang to her and we talked to her about past trips and memories and it seemed to calm her down enough for her to have a good night's sleep.

Everything seems to be moving in slow motion, and at the same time going by so fast. It is now Wednesday, exactly one week since mom's condition took a turn. We get a visit from our hospice nurse every day, which today's visit yielded a declining blood pressure reading as well as a weakened pulse and heart rate. Her apnea is also more pronounced, and today she hasn't really taken much in her system except for her meds and a small glass of water. It is difficult to turn away good friends who want to come and visit. To those who are reading this now, please know it does not mean your love and support to my mom and our family are not valued, we are doing our best to respect her wishes during this chapter. She has known and loved all of you in her wonderful way, and would like to be remembered in that same wonderful way you know her. The love and well-wishes you send are not unheard, they are helping to hold us up.

I know there is some irony and cheesiness in this, but I'm really trying to be a good nurse for mom, and so is Bob. She has always been so tender and caring to us, her friends, and her patients. I'm pretty sure I might be able to find an old pair of scrubs lying aound and make it offiicial. I remember when mom and I went to the Philippines to take care of grandma before she passed away. Similar siituation, home/hospice and family care...mom taught me a lot in those weeks until grandma passed away like how to care for someone who couldn't care for themselves, and how to be gentle and yet show strength for our loved ones, and with grace. You are a wonderful teacher, mom...and I'm still learning from you everyday!

It's a Bed!!

Today was a little rough because mom seemed to be having some lower back pain, even with medication, which made it difficult for her to rest. It's so difficult to watch mom wince and try to understand her slow hand signals because you know she is hurting somewhere and you want to do anything you can to make it go away. The hospice was able to provide us with an automatic bed and air mattress today which provides all the support she needs (with the help of a memory foam pad and soft, comfy pillows from her bed). As soon as we got mom in there, I could see the relief on her face and it almost made me want to cry from my own relief. Bob has, of course, been by her side this whole time and shared the same feelings we had. Relief all around.

As today is Sunday and mom is not able to attend Catholic mass now, I read her today's readings and we prayed. After we set up her new bed, I placed some of her things in front of her bed, should she open her eyes and it be the first thing she sees...the flowers are right from her backyard garden. Thanks be to God.

Commandeer

Along with mom's cellphone, I've also commandeered her iPad and most electronic communications with it. This is actually a very strange and unexpected part of "the process" because I don't want to be violating my mother's privacy (which I'm taking very careful steps not to do) but ensuring that I'm responding to as many people who reach out to her as I can via text, email, Facebook, you name it. Again, I apologize if I don't answer everyone...there are several times during our days here where Bob and I don't have any free hands. This is where we find the blog to be the most useful to keep family and friends updated :)

So, not to get too sidetracked, but as I was looking through pictures on mom's iPad, I found some of these images that for some people might be considered sort of social media spam. I wanted to share them because they were recent "saves" in her album which I assume means that she found her own meaning in them and helped her stay positive. I want to share it here because 1) they do give you a warm and fuzzy feeling, and 2) there is no reason to wait for someone to tell you you only have X months to live for you to start living your life as you always dreamed of (seriously people, don't wait).

For all those who wonder, mom is slowly making her way home. We are making sure she is very comfortable and every so often she will wake up, but the alertness level is declining. She speaks infrequently and at a whisper. We are keeping visits to a minimum, but when folks send their love we certainly tell her. Today we listened to The Sound of Music soundtrack and she was able to sit outside for a little and look out at the pool and garden that is now in full bloom with her roses. 

Back

Hello All,

I'm so sorry I haven't posted any updates or pictures in a while. There was a turning point I knew someday would be reached, and after talking to Mo, mom's hospice nurse, it appears that time has come.

Mom is home, comfortable, and very much enjoying her recliner. She is getting a little help from good ole O2 to help her breath and once in a while she will wake up to have some soup or ask Bob if he's done his errands for the day (he shakes his head like, "Seriously, Sweetie?!"

I'm kind of commandeering her cell phone for the moment because I'm afraid she's too weak to use it. I promise to do my best to respond to the incoming messages.

Stay tuned for more, just wanted to check in for the moment. It is spring here in Austin, and here is a picture of mom, a few springs ago...always so spunky!