Last night, I watched a movie on my iPad before falling asleep that, near the end, stated something so simple and beautiful: There are those of us, when we die, who wish to be loved and remembered by many; and then there are some of us who only want to be remembered and loved, but deeply, by one.
Bob met mom in Miami in 1994, two years after the wake of Hurricane Andrew. I was 12 years old and didn't make it easy on mom's dating life back then. Through all of my ridiculous pranks (one time I poured sugar in his salt shaker), Bob just kind of took everything with a smile and continued to court my mother. Yep, folks, that word still applies in today's world: court. There are many details, ins and outs, ups and downs over 13 years of a mostly long-distance relationship, but I will tell you how the story (in the interim) happily ends. On a sunny day, June 6, 2009 to be exact, Bob and Joy were married before a handful of immediate friends and family and a judge on the back porch of their new home in Austin. We had music, some select catered entrees, fresh flowers, white and red wine sangrias, and of course a delicious boutique cake. They even did their first dance as husband and wife near the foyer by the dining room, where all 10 of us who were there were swaying back and forth, smiling, and happy that these two had at last exchanged vows. Right before the wedding they went on a pre-moon, taking a cruise around Alaska and even doing a helicopter excursion onto a glacier and dog sledding! I wanted to highlight this part in their story because it's a snapshot into the couple that they are and have been: romantic and adventurous.
Admittedly Bob and I have not always seen eye to eye on things, but I believe that is simply attributed to our backgrounds, how we were raised, and the environment we grew up in. Plus, the never ending SEC rivalry between his Alabama Roll Tide (whatever) and my Florida Gators. The truth is that Bob certainly had a hand in raising me, and teaching me things with a different perspective from my mother, my father, and my stepmother...all who I love very, very much. Many of these lessons I learned simply from watching him interact with mom, the things he would say to her and the manner that he would say them, and of course, the things he would do for her. These are some of the things Bob has taught me:
- Chivalry is not dead.
- Kindness and generosity are not signs of weakness.
- Traditions in relationships, such as roses every Valentine's Day and on your birthday, doesn't mean you are not creative or spontaneous, it means you have an anchor.
- Actions speak louder than words (for better or for worse).
- Surprising your sweetie with a limo to take you and your friends to your birthday dinner downtown will never be lame, even when you are turning 58.
- Never act or react out of emotion (mom taught me this, too).
- It's really ok to forgive yourself after making a series of dumb mistakes before you start making good choices.
- The sacrifices are worth it.
After 21 years, since mom and Bob first met, I am very lucky and proud to have Bob as a part of our family, and for me to be a part of his. I will be forever grateful that he has been at mom's side for every doctor's appointment, every procedure, every treatment, driving back and forth from Houston every other week, all the time, all the expenses, and not once complain to my mother, not once mention how any of this has been an inconvenience to him.
As a witness, I can attest that Bob loves Joy in the same way you watch a romantic movie and think those stories are only in the movies because they are not real. It exists. It's existing at this very moment. I don't believe it has to be one way or the other, you may be loved by many just as you are loved deeply by one...that is undoubtedly mom. On June 9, mom and Bob plan to renew their vows the same way they first took them, on the back porch with a handful of their loved ones. Perhaps there will be a *few* extra guests this time. Technically, they've been married half a decade now, so it's a good time to check-in and make sure the rules still apply! :-)
Bob and Joy's story is not over.
