The Heart of Joy

It has become crystal-clear-smack-you-in-the-face-and-stomp-on-your-toes-so-that-you-remember-it apparant that mom's heart is one of the strongest I have ever seen, as she continues to go on these last five days without food and very little to drink (< 4 mL/day). Yesterday, she had some energy, which we alll mistook for restlessness, and all she wanted to do was use the restroom! It was almost an all-day ordeal to figure that out since mom can barely speak, and I'd rather spare you the details (for all our sakes)....but I just couldn't believe it. Two days ago, the nurse couldn't even get a blood pressure reading, signifying a very weak pulse and indication that her blood was focused more on her chest and lungs...and the next day, mom decides she wants to try and pull herself out of bed, for what reason, we didn't figure out until six hours later. She is certainly a proud woman and it leaves us (and the nurses) astounded. Today she pulled the same trick again, and we were prepared this time, but again we are seriously like, "How is she doing this?"

Today, I was able to sit next to mom along the edge of her bed, halfway through a transition. This is a position where I get to hold her and be close to her. As one of my hands were wrapped around her now very small side, I can feel her heart pulsing throughout her whole body. I think on it now, and it makes sense. If you've ever taken a walk with mom, recreationally or leisurely, she only has one speed: hers. She also always had a stamina for exercise and work where others would crash from exhaustion, and she would make it look so easy! 

I can tell you that some things with mom are painfully changing as her journey home continues, but it's her heart and what is left of her conscious mind that is keeping her here. Mom, you are free to come and go as you please, and I pray you find the peace of mind to do so. As I have told you every night for the past week and a half before I'm falling asleep beside you: I love you; Don't worry about Bob, I promise to ensure we take care of him the same way I have taken care of you; You did everything right by all of us; You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey, you never know dear how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away; wherever you go I will always be with you, and you always with me.