Moving Off the X

So, I had this whole post drafted, written out, and ready to go; but looking at it over and over again and reading it just didn’t seem like it was right. The thoughts were all over the place, which is how I’ve been feeling lately anyway, so I scrapped it.

I came back to Austin a few days ago to start the process of sorting out all of mom’s clothes, shoes, and accessories. Bob took on the valiant task months ago to sort out their office, bless his heart. I remember times when you couldn’t even find mom in there, buried under all her paperwork. Now I go in and I can actually see the color of the desk! Ha, I can hear her laughing at me as I’m typing this, with a bashful smile, and telling me it wasn’t that bad. Anyway, as far as mom’s other personal items, and with Claudia’s invaluable help, I was able to get through about 87% of her things which was sorted into boxes and bags for the Philippines, family, donations, and my own safekeeping. I’ll have to come back again soon to sort through the rest, but I’m happy to have accomplished my main task which was to give Bob his closet and dresser back.

I can’t say enough how proud I am of Bob. There are things I cannot take for granted and one of those things is him always being a gracious host. I am so thankful that he brought down the Christmas tree, decorations, and lights from the attic. So very thankful that he put lights up around the house, without me even asking, even after he would say he just didn’t want to do it this year. We also decorated the tree, and he was a genuine and wonderful helper, putting the angel on top and tying in all the ribbons the same way that mom would. This weekend was another testimony that when things don’t go right, go left. For Bob, perhaps it’s just as important to keeping moving, no matter what direction, so long as you are off the ‘X’. He continues to be a very important person in my life, and as many lessons I thought my mother taught me, it’s the lessons he’s is teaching me now…in our conversations, and from what I observe…that I am valuing more and more.

My thoughts remain hopeful that even though Christmas and New Year will be the first without our beloved Joy, it will still be a happy one. I have to remember that there is so much to celebrate in this life. Things will never be perfect, the waves will never stop crashing, and we will always be tested, but even with all of that there will always be room for a smile, a hug, and a laugh. I can say now, more than ever, that I embrace the things that have made me happy…I had a great summer, I love coming to work everyday, my family and friends never fail to bring me up, and Gizmo still wags his tail when I come home. 

Mom, I love you, and you are still my only sunshine. I’ll never forget last year's Christmas. Rather hard to believe it was a just barely a year ago. We both prayed we would see another holiday season together, but you and I knew the way of the world and so we silently accepted it and still enjoyed every moment. Such a cherished memory, along with many/many others...

Stay with me.

Our last Christmas together...how I miss that smile.